I'm Thankful For ...

Gratitude is the key to happiness. There, I said it. You can stop wondering, quit going to therapy and return all those self help books, because that's the key, right there.

According to a recent study by a prof named Todd Kashdan, women are statistically happier than men because they are more grateful. (And here I thought we members of the fairer sex were happier because of the unabashed shoe shopping, playful accessorizing, and not having to deal with having a penis.) But no, says Kashdan. It's thankfulness and joy, the essential elements for living a good life.

There's a group dedicated to gratefulness called The Grateful Nation, and they insist people who are grateful are happier in general, whether they're male or female. Being thankful is good for your health, these full-of-gratitude people say.

But how can this be achieved? What if you just don't feel like you have anything to be grateful for? What if you screwed up at work, got stuck in traffic on the way home, flipped another driver the bird and felt like an idiot, got dinner going late, burned it, became hangry* at your loved one and said something mean, then went to bed annoyed with the world?

What if you forgot to pay the hydro bill and your power got turned off and you're cold and pissy, or you misplaced the novel you were reading right when you were at the exciting climax, or you lost your cell phone while drunk and have descended into a feeling of alcohol fuelled paranoid fear that none of your friends are ever going to be able to reach you again or that someone is stealing your identity as you speak?

Or, worse, truly worse, what if you lost your job and don't know how you're going to pay the mortgage, or someone you love is sick, or you feel alone, or anxious, or simply blue, for any number of very valid reasons?

I wish I could give a pat answer, something like, Hey, channel Pollyanna, because it could be worse, my friend, you could be living in Sumatra right now.

I'm not going to do that, though. I, too, have days when the little things, like household chores, or kids with colds, or not enough time in the day to read or rest, or not enough money for this season's so-cool thigh-high boots (where would I wear them anyway, I think, and that fosters even more petty ungratefulness ...) or a million other things toss me towards a sulky, thankless pit that not even the happy prospect of not being buried under a pile of rubble can pull me up from. It's human nature to be unhappy, I suppose.

Except that maybe it isn't. Maybe we all just need to be more grateful for what we do have, instead of focusing so determinedly on the things we don't.

My Seasonal Resolution (I like to make resolutions - and get a facial - every time the seasons change, not just in January) is to be more grateful. And what better time to make that resolution than autumn, the very season of giving thanks, a concept as old as pioneers, pumpkin pie, and possibly Stonehenge?

My plan is to focus on the small things this fall. Because, as they say, God is in the details. Or is it 'The devil is in the details'? Either way, I like details.

Here are a few of life's details that I rather enjoy: sitting by my son's bedroom window, looking at the full moon with him and feeling like we're sharing a secret ("Wow," he breathed last night, his eyes as wide as the celestial orb itself. "Is it a big flash light?"); when my daughter cuddles into my chest, nestles her head under my chin, sticks her thumb in her mouth and emits a coo that says, "Ah, this is the place, the place I belong"; the way my husband's cold feet always find mine in bed on these chilly fall nights; an extra duvet; spending a day at a fall fair; the flash of pleasure the comes from reading, in a poem, story, or any other written work, something that is beautiful. Even when it's about something sad. Like this: “My sorrow, when she's here with me, thinks these dark days of autumn rain are beautiful as days can be; she loves the bare, the withered tree; she walks the sodden pasture lane.” -- Robert Frost.

Happy autumn, everyone!
xo Marissa


* - Hangry is a term bandied about in our house, meaning one who hasn't eaten in several hours, has low blood sugar, and is feeling irritable. This person must be fed immediately or they will say or do something they will regret later.